Xeno Queer

Good. So good. Holy fucking shit, HH is so good.

I didn't realize how starved I was for lush western 2D animation that isn't beholden to ages 10-and-under ratings requirements. I've relied on anime to fill that niche for a long time, but anime has very different style conventions to western 2D and it's so fucking good to see western 2D operating in this sphere.

Like, nothing against adult animations such as Disenchanted or Big Mouth, but the animation style lacks the vivid, model-bending mania that you see in the bulk of 2D animation. It's as though peopel have been convinced that for western animation to appeal to adults, it much be staid and heavily on-model or hideous gross-out style. And those styles of animation are great and valuable too, but oh my god they've been the only thing you can see in adult animation for so fucking long. For decades, possibly? (My sense of the passage of time is very poor, and so is my memory, so this may not be correct).

Effusive praise for the visual design aside, it's also got musicals! About horrible things! Which is my favourite kind!

And the songs themselves are great, too, which is rad because musical interludes in animation absolute can get away with being kind of shit. As long as the visuals carry it, it's more than sufficient. But bruh, they did not fuck around at all.

There's some discourse hovering around tumblr/twitter where antis and puritans have concluded that a show about literal damned souls going to literal rehab shouldn't feature "problematic content," which I'll go into in this cut, but tl;dr: it's pointless, masturbatory bullshit to make puritans feel better about how much they hate themselves.

There are several arguments I've seen, and I'm going to speed through them and how stupid they are.

( Wank )

Back to the goods!

If I were the kinning type, I would kin Angel Dust. What a glorious queer disaster slut. Bless him.

Vaggie and Charlie's relationship is cuter that fuck, I don't know how to cope, it's so good. Like, they know eachother flaws and help compensate for them so well and so immediately, and it's glorious.

A main cast that consists exclusively of queers is rad. I love that. I love it!!!! There's not enough of that! Even in adult animation, where it should by rights be everywhere!

Sssir Pentious is great, I assume he's dead for real and we won't see him again, but dude. His lil obsessive step-on-me-daddy Egg Henchmen were also fantastic.

I want Cherry Bomb to rail me behind the denny's at 3:47 AM on a sunday morning.

The voice acting was so good!

The manipulation of the fourth wall as an artistic choice without ever actually breaking it was glorious and I nearly pissed myself when the Radio Demon pulled that shit.

My basically only complaint is a throwaway line and a couple of implications that drug addiction is a cardinal sin which can get you damned to hell, but given that it's a show about a rehab clinic in a christian theology, I can let that one slide. Might be somethign to consider if you're especially sensitive to drug addiction jokes, though.

My mother is dying, so the rest of this post is going underneath a cut so people can avoid hearing about a potentially fucked up topic.

( Read more... )

The notes from my visit which include the discussion of my paralysis and hallucinatory symptoms, which is to say, the primary narcoleptic symptoms as well as the suggestion that I go in for narcolepsy testing, are suspiciously absent from my records apparently.

I'm really like. I'm just exhausted.

You'd think after so many years of doctors fucking me I'd be used to it but I'm just...

Whatever, I guess.

Whatever.

I know what the specialist said. I took notes. I'll tell my GP myself, I'll get the test referrals myself, I'll cut the specialist out of the process entirely, I'll do it my own damn self just like I always have, fucking fuck it.

My sleep study results finally finally came back. Shocking no one, it's not apnea. But let me emphasize how Not Apnea it is.

There's an index, see. Apnea is gradated along two axes: number of incidences per hour, and severity.

To be the mildest possible apnea, there have to be five incidences per hour (mildest amount) of oxygen saturation under 90% (mildest severity).

I had 4 incidences per NIGHT. Including the time I woke up with a cable wrapped around my neck.

So, let's all really appreciate the degree to which I do not have sleep apnea, okay? Are we appropriately appreciative?

MY FUCKING DOCTOR. IS STILL TRYING. TO ADVICE ME. ABOUT APNEA. EVEN WHILE TELLING ME THAT MY COMBINATION OF HYPERSOMNIA, HALLUCINATIONS AND PARALYSIS IS ALMOST ALWAYS NARCOLEPSY. Like, three separate times while she was explaining narcolepsy to me, she said it could still be apnea, since it's so "prevalent in cases of obesity."

One thing that gets asked on sleep study intakes is if you have any sudden weight changes, because that can indicate underlying problems, btw. I gained 70 pounds in just under 6 months, for reasons no one has yet been able to figure out, which happened at the onset of this fatigue. So you would think she would be interested in the potential underlying causal factor connecting those? But no, I'm fat, ergo, being fat is the cause of all my problems.

But, it gets Better™, because the doctor's advice for me? Eat less, specifically eat a low carb diet, and stay awake more.

Now, here's the thing. She never asked me about my diet. I can't digest fatty foods because I'm missing the fat digesting organ, the gallbladder. I mentioned this 6 times. That's not exaggeration. I mentioned this six distinct times. I physically cannot eat a low carb diet. However, that's not a big issue, because I actually eat an almost comically small amount of food. About 1800 calories a day. This is about half what someone my weight needs, but the thing is, I sleep so much I physically don't have the time to eat more.

And as for stay awake, IF. I COULD. STAY AWAKE. THEN I WOULD NOT. BE IN THIS PLACE. WOULD I.

Other advice included the ever popular, "only lay down when you will fall asleep within 15 minutes," and a total dismissal of my concerns about my severe chronic pain. "Get more sunlight," ignoring the fact the I literally have blood tests backing up the fact that the vitamin d deficiency she's trying to treat there doesn't exist and those test results were in her hands.

All in all, it was exactly as stupid and awful a fucking experience as expected.

( Endgame just fucked Peggy so hard, and I can't cope with it at all ) 

Capitalism is hell and I shouldn't support businesses like uber that seek to destroy the lower class by disrupting our likes through massive exploitation and the destruction of stable income as well as necessary infrastructure, but also I can't really leave the house without nearly dying due to a cacophony of illnesses and this stupid fucking grocery delivery service instant-cart that they just got in town is legit saving my fucking LIFE so like.

Shit, man, I'm the fucking edge case for which it was designed.

Like, I get massive, visually distorting migraines if I'm outside during the daylight for more than about 40 minutes, but everything is at least 20 minutes drive away, there's not enough stable bus infrastructure in town for me to get anywhere by bus in less than an hour, shopping makes me so dizzy, shake, and vertiginous that I sometimes pass out inside the stores (those poor cashiers don't know what to do with me, which in fairness, I do try to do it in the bathrooms so they don't have to worry but it's not always within my control so like).

The ability to carefully hand craft my grocery list to match my budget and massive dietary restrctions over the course of like 6-8 hours while sitting in my chair in the middle of the night in the dark and the quiet of my own home, knowing that my food will be brought to me without my needing to render myself literally bedridden for the following 20-72 hours is so good, like. It's so good.

God I wish it didn't have to be done by a shitty fucking "disruption" startup in the fucking uber vein. Goddamnit, I fucking hate that. This is a service I legitimately NEED because the alternative has been, in no undertain terms, KILLING me. I have literally been told multiple times by multiple professionals to STOP GROCERY SHOPPING and that's never been realistic until now but like

Ugh.


Capitalism is a little bitch and I hope it dies.

Anyway use this referral link: https://inst.cr/t/ABCzhvFDr to try the delivery groceries for free if you're into that and live in a modest to robustly populated area, and if you like it I'll get $50 in sweet fucking food money, which is great because I'm getting a real hardcore ass runaround about whether or not the government wants to give me, an unemployed, disabled, fucking battered-spouse-runaway some FUCKING FOOD PLEASE. "We will contact you in 17-10 business days" my plush round ass.

 Glad to see professor Oak is coming back in generation 8! 

(Context: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Merlin%27s_Oak ) 

I'm sure that, by now, most of us have read the buzzfeed article about millennials and burnout. If not I'll link it at the end (mobile posting may be better on dw, but it is not without challenges).

However, when I read it, as much as I loved it, it fell strangely flat for me as well. It seemed to come so close to understanding the issue, while ultimately failing. By presenting burnout as a condition of an age cohort, rather than of abuse by capitalism and other marginalizing forces, it seemed to suggest, inadvertently, that there was no solution to be found outside that age cohort.

And yet, as this response so neatly points out, that is an aching blind spot. We are not the first people to burn out just for being born in the 90s.We burn out for being poor, being isolated, being unhealthy and unhelped, and for many of us (most, perhaps), for being queer or women or black or brown, for being esl speakers or autistics.

And that means that the techniques--for coping but more importantly for revolution--that our forebears in these many margins developed are just as useful to us as them. And far more so than the techniques presented by businesses trying to swallow our cash and call it caring.

It also means that, outside ourselves, there are people who have these problems, need these solutions, and will stand beside us to fight for them.

Of course, burnout is more universal among millennials and gen Z (yes, already) than in previous generations. But it has little to do with our age and everything to do with our conditions being worse and worsening. And we're not the only ones trapped here.

Below the cut, find me complaining aimlessly about ship wank relating to, of course, Voltron. But nothing to do with sheith, klance, or inter-ship wars.

Just the behaviour of, tragically, Lotura shippers.

( Sometimes I forget straight people exist ) 

I've closed my tabs and logged out of tumblr for what I suppose will be the last time.

I spent a decade on that site. It was my news, my social life, and my fandom hub.

Probably, I gave more of myself to it than I should have, really. But in return, I got so many things that I can't imagine finding anywhere else.

I don't know what I feel.

But, it is the dawn of a new day.


(The joke: it's the middle of the night in my time zone)